Breaking news ALERT: Washington capitals fans Declare independence, Establish own Nation…see more

In an unprecedented move, a coalition of die-hard Washington Capitals fans have officially declared independence from the United States, citing “decades of emotional investment and playoff heartbreak” as grounds for forming their own nation. The new country, tentatively named Capsylvania, claims territory spanning several sports bars, basements, and at least one section of Capital One Arena.

Leaders of the movement released a statement early Thursday morning: “We’ve supported this team through thick and thin, from the dark pre-Ovi era to the Stanley Cup glory. It’s time we take matters into our own gloved hands.

The newly formed nation already boasts its own flag (a stylized eagle holding a hockey stick), a national anthem (a remix of “Rock the Red”), and a constitution that mandates daily debates over Ovechkin’s legacy.

 

U.S. officials have yet to comment, though one anonymous source joked, “As long as they promise not to secede during the playoffs, we’ll consider negotiations.”